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Patricia Ana  Create Your Badge Her Wishes♥ Updated on o1.o1.13 • Happiness Sweet Escapes♥ ALIENS♥ --------------------------------- Wei Kang ShanShan Terence Dearest♥ --------------------------------- Amelia Liz ; PerverticCicak Sab ; Mesum-Twinny Syazwan ; Bestfriend Vanessa Vivian ; Nerdie NavalBase; --------------------------------- Alexis Brandon ; Blender Fawwaz ; FawyBotakB Hamizah HuatKit ; AhPek Katherine Patricia ; Halim Mabel ; AhMamaa Xinyi YuXuan ; AhJie Others; --------------------------------- Cindy ; Shinzuii Laurentia Read more♥ Happy ever after. Payback. Wordless. Damaged and Drained, Emotionally. Catching up session. A best friend. Tearing apart. Trust and Fear Hurt's effects. The point where I hate my life. A lot.
January 2012 |
A dream guy?
Wednesday, January 16, 2013 Wednesday, January 16, 2013   Everyone keeps asking me why don't I get myself a boyfriend. And they also asked me what type of guy do I want. And guess what, my answer will always be, "I don't have a type. When I like him, I just do." But honestly, I do have my ideal dream guy but I am mature enough to know that such guy does not exist. But seriously though, every girl definitely has their own dream guy. Maybe my dream guy is a guy who is alike my father? HAHA. People say that girls will look for her father in a guy, and guys will look for his mother in a girl. Oh well, my dream guy is... 1. A guy who will always feel lucky to have me. 2. A guy who will always be proud of me. (He will proudly introduce me to his friends and family.) 3. A guy who dares to meet my family. 4. A guy who is approved by my parents. 5. A guy who is wise and mature. 6. A guy who can be funny but can also be serious in particular events. 7. A guy who will always be there for me. 8. A guy who will be scared of losing me. 9. A guy who will remember every details of me. 10. A guy who always surprises me; he will just tell me, "I'm downstairs. See me for awhile." instead of telling me firsthand or asking for permissions. Or maybe he will just send a bouquet of flowers to my house or directly giving it to me. 11. A guy who will rush to see me if something happens to me. 12. A guy who makes me and his family as his priority. 13. A guy who does not use money to solve everything especially with me. 14. A guy who will just listen, hug me when I'm cold or crying. 15. A guy who will not shout at me or hit me. 16. A guy who will cook for me instead of always bringing me to fancy restaurants. Lastly, a guy who is protective, but not possessive.   That is definitely a whole bunch of requirements. That guy certainly does not exist. If he does, I am pretty sure he is taken or.... gay? But honestly, the one who got it right, as to why I am still single now or has never been into an official or serious relationship, up until now is only Joditha. I was totally shocked of how she could just guess it right when I was pouring my heart out to her. I definitely have no confident in myself. There is not one second I forget all my flaws. Every time I walk around in a mall, regardless of who I am with, and shopkeepers are glancing at me, I keep on telling myself, "Chin up, head high." But inside, I keep on thinking, "Is there something on my face? Or is it my hair? Or maybe my outfit? Or maybe the way I walk? Oh, maybe my make up? Did my eyeliner smudge? Is there anything wrong with me?" I can not stop thinking until I go to the bathroom and look into the mirror and ensure myself that there is nothing wrong with me. It totally sucks to be me seriously.  But hey, with this kind of confident in me, how can I be sure that a guy can like me for who I am? How can I be sure that I'm not just a game to him? For once, I thought there is this guy who is actually serious with me, but ended up, I was like a toy. I felt so stupid, silly, and idiotic. Furthermore, I hope my first relationship would last til' marriage. J suggested me that during my age, my teenage years, I should have fun, date few times, enjoy these years, but I can't. I really can't doing it. Why would I waste time with a guy that is not going to last? And wouldn't I be at disadvantage as a girl? And what about my reputation? An ex of so many guys? Hell, no. Recently, I told my parents that maybe if I were to graduate my high school in Indonesia, I would have had a boyfriend by now. I am enrolled in a college with no Indonesian. How can I be in a relationship? My dad told me that maybe this was my path. But it got me thinking, is it an advantage for me? I want to, for once, experience a real date. I have never been on a real date until now. I feel pathetic. (But do not ever pity me. I despise being pitied. Am I that pathetic that I deserve your pity? It just pissed me off.) Maybe my fate is to find the love of my life after I graduated...  Actually, J told me, "You are pretty, wise, educated, and came from a good family background. You pushed guys away just because you are scared of getting hurt. But you will never know something until you try it. Lastly, your pride is just too high. It is difficult to get you to open up and eventually guys get scared of you, and they leave" What makes me happy most is, she looked at me as a pretty girl, in a way I've never looked at myself. HAHA! My main problem is, I am too scared of getting hurt that I can't really open my heart to anyone. It really takes time. But it got me thinking, is it my fault? Is something really wrong with me? Is it wrong to have high prides, and is it wrong to build walls between you and people? I just want to see who cares and wants me enough to break those walls.    This is a really long post. But I kinda enjoyed writing this post because I have been imagining my dream guy as I am typing :B One day left and I'm back to reality. I do not want to go back honestly. I enjoy being here. I want to cry badly every time I think about it);    
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