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Patricia Ana  Create Your Badge Her Wishes♥ Updated on o1.o1.13 • Happiness Sweet Escapes♥ ALIENS♥ --------------------------------- Wei Kang ShanShan Terence Dearest♥ --------------------------------- Amelia Liz ; PerverticCicak Sab ; Mesum-Twinny Syazwan ; Bestfriend Vanessa Vivian ; Nerdie NavalBase; --------------------------------- Alexis Brandon ; Blender Fawwaz ; FawyBotakB Hamizah HuatKit ; AhPek Katherine Patricia ; Halim Mabel ; AhMamaa Xinyi YuXuan ; AhJie Others; --------------------------------- Cindy ; Shinzuii Laurentia Read more♥ You deserve better. Me and my anxiety The pain of the past. That pain. Happiness. One and only. I miss you. Interphase: Denial and Acceptance. To the guy who's gone great lengths for me. When will it be good enough?
January 2012 |
My first Valentine's Date.
Friday, February 15, 2013 Friday, February 15, 2013 For the first time ever, I just went on a Valentine's date. I was really nervous and feared awkwardness. But who would've thought it went pretty well. He made all the reservations and plans. Honestly, i'll just go with it. I dont really have the time to think of all those due to all my homework, quizzes, and exams. He really has some ethics. He was on time. He came down his car and fetched me. He always opened up the door for me. We talked about a lot of things. It's kind of scary for me as it was my first time going for such thing. When my mom contacted me and told me not to go home late, he sent me home directly after dinner. He gave me a bouquet of roses and a box of ferrero rocher. He walked me to my house door and left. That was a really good etiquette. I was comfortable talking to him. Once I'm home, mommy's investigation started. But it was fun telling her everything. One part that sucks. A comparison. She asked me to compare him with someone which reminded me of unpleasant things. But who cares. He's not and will not be a part of my life anymore. Overall, I had fun and enjoyed it. But I'm not ready to be in an official stage yet. I'm just gonna give it time and see how things go. But still, thank you for today. (':    your stupid addiction.
Sunday, February 10, 2013 Sunday, February 10, 2013  Twice is more than enough. I do not need the third time. I have been spending some time recently, thinking why did I feel this way, what happened to the me who do not do those "deep-attachment" thing.  And then I realized, what happened is like an old wound being opened up once again. Actually, a new wound is less painful than an old wound that is being hurt again. There comes a point in life when you realize and finally told yourself, "This is it. Enough is enough." If your excuse is, "If it's meant to be, it will be", I don't believe you. That's a lame excuse. Trust me, if we were meant to be, you would not have the heart to do all these. Furthermore, if we were meant to be, I would run away from my fate. Trust me, I don't wanna fall for another trap of yours. Ever since from the past, until now, it's still your addiction to hurt me. You should be aware that there is no third chance. Once you have wasted your second chance, that's it. You are officially deleted, removed, and erased.    Three songs that perfectly suit what I had been feeling as I am going through all this because of you. first love.
Saturday, February 9, 2013 Saturday, February 09, 2013 It's been such a long time, my dear blog. Finally get to have some free time and blog something I had in mind. Every girls, or even boys, have their first loves. Just like what they said, "First loves are unforgettable." I met mine when I was in high school. That was exactly when I started to understand about how hopes kept me to hold on to him. We started off as friends. He never dated anyone before. We were in a group. We got close after several hanging out sessions. I started to have a crush on him without him knowing up until now. It was the first time that I could like someone for such a long time. My feelings for him never faded for about a year. Every time we were about to meet, I get butterflies in my stomach, even up until now. When he smiles, everything just seems so... perfect. He was like everything I could ask for. Even though we did not get to be more than friends, my feeling never fully fades away. I don't know why but when we met again recently, I was just so happy and i don't know.. It was like, he was the only thing I wanted to see. He changed pretty much especially on his attitudes. He talks to me more and he always teases me. I felt happy about it for no reason. I guess it's true that your feelings for your first love will never fully go away. But I don't regret for him to be my first love. He is just.. that perfect in my eyes. I bet everyone else has their interesting and special stories of their own first loves.      torturous routine.
Saturday, February 09, 2013 I am dying. I'd never expected this semester to be this tough. My routine, totally screws me up. Why the hell did I take all these tough classes? I should've listened to my mom to drop one class, but if I did, what if it will delay my graduation? What a dilemma. My English Professor suggested me to do blogging to improve my writing skills. Or maybe not improve, just get used to it, i guess. But how am I supposed to do that with this kind of schedule? My friends are complaining about my social life. I couldn't make time to hang out with them on weekdays. Apologies! But seriously, even though I have only only one class on Monday, I have 3 classes on Tues and Thurs. Even if I wanted to hang out after my class on Mon, I cant. I have to finish up the rest of the homework for Tues. On Tues Wed Thurs, I sleep around 12am at night and HAVE TO wake up at 6am. And I am only done for the day at 6pm. How can I not be worn out this way? And after all these classes, there are ALWAYS homework. On Wed morning, I have lab and I gotta do pre-lab and post-lab for this class. On Friday, I gotta attend this study group for Chemistry class to get extra credit. And I can hang out after that, but just like yesterday, I spent my Friday finishing up online homework with due date or just normal homework with the intention of being able to relax for the rest of the weekend. This Semester, I was kind of hoping to get a job, which will fill in my application to transfer. But with this schedule, it is just impossible. Oh, and by the way, I just turned seventeen. I'm thankful for the surprise which I was not expecting because I know that all of you were having midterm week. So I went to sleep, but you guys bashed me just like that, came inside my super messy room (a proof that I've been studying) and I was totally shocked. I was peacefully sleeping, people! But still, thank you to make time for this.(: Furthermore, I wanna sincerely thank those who made efforts to wish me, even privately. As I had deactivated my facebook for a day, and I did not use BBM anymore, you all made the effort to whatsapp or LINE or Skype me, and some did it through Instagram, and mostly Twitter. Thank you so much!!! And special thanks to those who sent me a long long long birthday message. Honestly, I was not even excited for my birthday. Something sort of happened during this event. What I expected came true. It happened last few years, and it just happened again. Just one small thing, it totally ruined it. Even though I tried to understand, I still could not feel okay. It hurt so much. If it were his, you would not forget, would you? You would remember it long before the D-day. It is just awesome to spend your birthday with swollen puffy eyes, you know. Fantastic.       Happy 20th, Kevin!
Saturday, February 09, 2013 Happy 20th birthday my straight gay best friend!!!! I'm so tired I wanna die. Mentally and physically. Honestly, it would be good if doomsday is really near. I'm really tired and sick of everything. Everywhere I go, all I see is, fake fake fake people. Ugh. Anyway, I don't know if it is something I should be happy about -- someone asked me out on Val's day. I mean like wow, i was not expecting it. But I'm still thinking about it. Is he actually serious about it or just joking around? If he is just joking around, why would he also ask my brother's permission? But did he ask just me or he asked like few people and go with the one that said okay? Sigh. Whatever. Let's see for the D-day. It may be a Valentine for most people but it's just a Thursday for me.(':        |