PLEASE READ THESE TERMS:[#o1] W E L C O M E ! [#o2] I`m the owner here . [#o3] No judging here [#o5] Judge me if you know me well [#o4] Don`t like it? go press alt+F4 The Little Girl♥ P A T R I C I A - 方 贤 婷 First cried on 29 January 1996 ♥ Dance I M P E R F E C T ♥ (Ko)Rilakkuma Indo-Chinese!(: 
Patricia Ana  Create Your Badge Her Wishes♥ Updated on o1.o1.13 • Happiness Sweet Escapes♥ ALIENS♥ --------------------------------- Wei Kang ShanShan Terence Dearest♥ --------------------------------- Amelia Liz ; PerverticCicak Sab ; Mesum-Twinny Syazwan ; Bestfriend Vanessa Vivian ; Nerdie NavalBase; --------------------------------- Alexis Brandon ; Blender Fawwaz ; FawyBotakB Hamizah HuatKit ; AhPek Katherine Patricia ; Halim Mabel ; AhMamaa Xinyi YuXuan ; AhJie Others; --------------------------------- Cindy ; Shinzuii Laurentia Read more♥ One and only. I miss you. Interphase: Denial and Acceptance. To the guy who's gone great lengths for me. When will it be good enough? Judgmental freaks. Just wish to be "normal". Happy ending? Don't Leave The prince charming.
January 2012 |
Happiness.
Friday, June 26, 2015 Friday, June 26, 2015  As you grow up, the word "happiness" defines different things to different people. I remember when I was a little kid, happiness just simply means having been able to sleep later than 7pm to watch TV. Happiness is being able to eat sweets and getting new teddy bears. As I grow older, the meaning starts to change. When I was in primary school, happiness is just about not having to go to school or maybe going to school for events. Junior high was all about getting good grades and making your parents happy and having a lot of friends in school. As for senior high, it was almost an adult phase, happiness is love. Finding a boyfriend, having those romances in school. All the butterflies in the stomach, your first touch, first kiss. As you entered adult stage, happiness starts to change. Life gets tougher, problems get even more complicated than when you were young. I start to ask myself what is happiness where happiness is the only thing I've been wishing for years on my birthdays but I just seem to not be able to have that, somehow. People around you told you they want you to be happy - your family, your best friends, and your lover. But what they did not tell you is how. Sometimes they want you to be happy by doing things you love, but the things that you love were unapproved. You will then get a choice to follow their suggestions or follow your heart. In the end, I always choose them due to my lack of confidence. I was scared. But now, I feel lost at times. What am I doing? Why am I doing this? Being around certain people makes me happy at times, but all I know is that it's temporary happiness. Maybe it would suffice for some people but certainly not me. I want a real happiness that even when the moment ends, I can still feel the joy within me.  It's funny how they told you to love yourself first, then love others. That way, you can find your happiness through that love. At the same time, this generation, the society is making you unable to love yourself. They keep on reminding you of all your flaws. I know I have my flaws but I do not need constant reminder of them. It's none of your business anyway. I've been struggling to try to accept and love myself in any ways for years, but I failed. I just kept asking myself, if I can't even love myself, how do other people love me? They said they love me, but I just don't have the confidence in them. It's just hard for me to believe they can love me when I can't even love myself. I don't know what they see and I don't know if I ever can. With all these negativities, come the insecurities. I think these insecurities will annoy people around me. But sometimes, I am scared that they see this as lack of attention because I don't want their attention. I don't like having the spotlight on me. I am uncomfortable enough with only myself and I don't need more people to spot more of my flaws.  It's pretty saddening how when you used to be able to hide all the sadness with a smile, laughters in front of people but now you get so sick of it. There is just too much pain to keep on faking it. People say if you can keep faking it, it shows how strong you are. But not everyone is that strong. Years of hiding is more than enough. Maybe people need to stop hiding it and just be who they are. When there is too much pain, I don't think anyone can actually hide it anymore. I remember two years ago, I was the type who laughs way too easy. I will laugh at literally anything. Just pick up a straw, I will still laugh. When I think back, I don't know why either. I was just shy, maybe. Or I think it's silly enough that I laugh. But now, I smirk for funny jokes. I laugh when I feel bad because people are watching me and I don't wanna be the one ruining the "happy environment". Sometimes I look at people, I am just jealous at how they can look and be stress-free. They told me not to think about it, but it is easier said than done.  |