PLEASE READ THESE TERMS:[#o1] W E L C O M E ! [#o2] I`m the owner here . [#o3] No judging here [#o5] Judge me if you know me well [#o4] Don`t like it? go press alt+F4 The Little Girl♥ P A T R I C I A - 方 贤 婷 First cried on 29 January 1996 ♥ Dance I M P E R F E C T ♥ (Ko)Rilakkuma Indo-Chinese!(: 
Patricia Ana  Create Your Badge Her Wishes♥ Updated on o1.o1.13 • Happiness Sweet Escapes♥ ALIENS♥ --------------------------------- Wei Kang ShanShan Terence Dearest♥ --------------------------------- Amelia Liz ; PerverticCicak Sab ; Mesum-Twinny Syazwan ; Bestfriend Vanessa Vivian ; Nerdie NavalBase; --------------------------------- Alexis Brandon ; Blender Fawwaz ; FawyBotakB Hamizah HuatKit ; AhPek Katherine Patricia ; Halim Mabel ; AhMamaa Xinyi YuXuan ; AhJie Others; --------------------------------- Cindy ; Shinzuii Laurentia Read more♥ That pain. Happiness. One and only. I miss you. Interphase: Denial and Acceptance. To the guy who's gone great lengths for me. When will it be good enough? Judgmental freaks. Just wish to be "normal". Happy ending?
January 2012 |
The pain of the past.
Thursday, July 9, 2015 Thursday, July 09, 2015  Mistakes are supposed to make someone learn something. But the pain, the scar, it stays there. Some people get the advantage of being able to forget the pain. However, for some people, that certain experience is unforgettable. Personally, I did not know how did I become this kind of person. I got to admit that I am not a good person. I realize how selfish I can be when it comes to relationships. I do not mind getting the other party hurt instead of myself getting hurt. I'd rather be the bad guy and hurt other people rather than having to be depressed all over again. Sometimes I wonder, is it a bad thing to take precautions for yourself? I can't get over the guilt and it's tearing me apart. I used to convince myself it is okay but as time goes by; more and more people get hurt and I can't seem to get over it. I think I might have too much on my plate.  It has been there before. It just started to hit me a few years ago.It has not left me ever since. People tend to see me either as a happy and cheerful person or a mean bitch. Only some get to understand the pain I have been fighting with. I do not expect people to know or even understand about it, but maybe it would make me feel better if people stop judging others and making their assumptions out of everything. I learned the truth about someone and I realized that their past is what made them today. I started to realize that I am like that too. Every time I started wanting to move on and start over, the negativity kicks in. All the what ifs are buzzing through my mind. I keep asking myself, "Is it gonna be okay this time?" Or are all guys actually pretty much the same? Maybe, just maybe, some are just hiding their true colors and they would reveal it when they realized the girl has fallen for them deep enough to get hurt. Is it actually okay to love someone? My counselor thinks that the moment you start to love someone, it became your choice - your decision and that you should be ready for the consequences of all the pain it will come with. With that, she believes that I should not feel guilty or responsible or even punish myself for it. But every single damn time I was told that someone is hurt by me, the guilt is rushing in and I feel...weird. It crosses my mind, do people actually care if they hurt my feelings too? 'Cause it sounds like they don't actually give a sh*t. They say what they like and they don't give a damn if you heard it because they actually enjoy it.
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