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Patricia Ana  Create Your Badge Her Wishes♥ Updated on o1.o1.13 • Happiness Sweet Escapes♥ ALIENS♥ --------------------------------- Wei Kang ShanShan Terence Dearest♥ --------------------------------- Amelia Liz ; PerverticCicak Sab ; Mesum-Twinny Syazwan ; Bestfriend Vanessa Vivian ; Nerdie NavalBase; --------------------------------- Alexis Brandon ; Blender Fawwaz ; FawyBotakB Hamizah HuatKit ; AhPek Katherine Patricia ; Halim Mabel ; AhMamaa Xinyi YuXuan ; AhJie Others; --------------------------------- Cindy ; Shinzuii Laurentia Read more♥ You deserve better. Me and my anxiety The pain of the past. That pain. Happiness. One and only. I miss you. Interphase: Denial and Acceptance. To the guy who's gone great lengths for me. When will it be good enough?
January 2012 |
Interphase: Denial and Acceptance.
Friday, April 17, 2015 Friday, April 17, 2015 Just when I thought I am running out of tears, I can't control it from flowing. Why does it still hurt so bad. It's been weeks, when will this be over? Some told me to just give it up, while others told me to wait first. The waiting is like hell. It makes you to hold on empty hopes that eventually led to disappointments. If only I could have one last chance.. I was in denial thinking there's still chance to work it out. But now, I am on my way to phase 2: acceptance. I am trying to accept this is over, it is not going to happen, it's too late and that it's time to let go. But why is it so hard to let go? The most painful part is either the memories keep coming back or the hopes you hold on so long for the future. The things you want to do together, all planned out, yet in fact, it is just not going to happen. I can't wait for the time when I look back to this and be all like, let bygones be bygones. I can't wait to stop crying myself to sleep almost every night. I can't wait to start and end my day with no tears. I can't wait to stop feeling the pain in my chest. I can't wait to stop wishing he would be there. Most of all, I can't wait to start being happy and in peace. To the guy who's gone great lengths for me.
Wednesday, April 15, 2015 Wednesday, April 15, 2015 I know I've made a mistake, made the wrong choice. But what can I do when it's already done. I should have trusted my instincts better. Everything hurts so bad right now. I miss your presence, I miss all the things you did for me, I miss you. I feel so stupid for not being able to tell everything you did for me was an expression of your feelings. I was so stuck at my own world and fear that you'd done the same thing to other girls. I should have put more trust and faith in you. I know everything is too late, but there is still part of me that is not willing to let go of all the memories and everything we could be. I wish I hadn't made the wrong choice, I wish I could tell you right now, I wish I could just run to you and tell you everything. But this is my fault, and I just don't have the courage to do it and I couldn't imagine the rejection I will get from you. Seeing your attitude towards me now, it really hurts. I wish time could turn back, but it just would not. It's been more than a week that I've been crying over you, crying myself to sleep every night. Tried so hard to get over you. Still trying my best to convince myself to let it go because if it's meant to be, it will be. Wish you are not hating on me right now. I wish I actually have someone to talk to. I wish you were there. I wish I could talk to you again like back then when you would always ask and listen. And now, I miss you looking for me, annoying me, etc. Please come back. I am not asking for much, I just wished we could be back to be friends and I know that sounds impossible. People kept telling me it's unlikely to happen especially if he feels hurt by me. I wanna undo everything, hoping you would want to start over. I still remember all the stupid tiny little things you've done. I am amazed you still remember how I picked my bananas in the grocery store. I remember how you'd cover me up with blanket when I fell asleep. How you'd make sure I'm alright and I've eaten. How you'd always just randomly stop by my place. And now, I've been so obsessed with engine sound; wishing it was your car, and it was you. Never happened. Do you still remember how you wanted to take me to see fireworks on New Year's Eve but I said no because I was on Skype with my parents? I regretted it. I should've gone and made more memories with you. I regret not making any effort to get to know you better, to ensure you're okay just like how you make sure I am okay. I should have paid more attention to you. I'm sorry. You are the only person who's made my birthday so special. I was so touched. Do you remember when we all went clubbing and it was my first time, you took good care of me even though my friends were so protective of me? I trusted you already since that moment, knowing you won't be those jerks taking advantages of people. Do you remember when it was my birthday weekend and our friends were forcing me to drink, and that time, I don't even feel like drinking and you helped me drink half the shot each time, telling me to drink just as much as I want and you'll finish the rest? I do remember. I wanted to ask you out to eat with me, just as friends, but I don't have the gut. I mentioned it once but you rejected, I got my cue. I was told that maybe you're avoiding me due to the fact of you thinking I'm still someone's girl but I just don't think it's right for me to just tell you that it's over. I mean, how can you be in a relationship when you are worried for another person? That would be called cheating and so as soon as I realized it, I broke it off. You know, I feel like I deserve all this pain, this is karma hitting me back with all the pain I've caused others. I keep asking myself what if you are already falling for another girl. I keep telling myself if that happens, he did not like you deep enough and you just got to let it go. Maybe he's not the one. But I just wish I could get closure from you. But maybe I needed to take a break and give you space to breathe as well. Maybe this is the end of our relationship or friendship, if that is the case, thank you for everything. It was beautiful and memorable. I miss you so bad. Just be my friend or just be by my side, please? I just needed someone badly right now. And I really wish that person could be you. xx |