PLEASE READ THESE TERMS:[#o1] W E L C O M E ! [#o2] I`m the owner here . [#o3] No judging here [#o5] Judge me if you know me well [#o4] Don`t like it? go press alt+F4 The Little Girl♥ P A T R I C I A - 方 贤 婷 First cried on 29 January 1996 ♥ Dance I M P E R F E C T ♥ (Ko)Rilakkuma Indo-Chinese!(: 
Patricia Ana  Create Your Badge Her Wishes♥ Updated on o1.o1.13 • Happiness Sweet Escapes♥ ALIENS♥ --------------------------------- Wei Kang ShanShan Terence Dearest♥ --------------------------------- Amelia Liz ; PerverticCicak Sab ; Mesum-Twinny Syazwan ; Bestfriend Vanessa Vivian ; Nerdie NavalBase; --------------------------------- Alexis Brandon ; Blender Fawwaz ; FawyBotakB Hamizah HuatKit ; AhPek Katherine Patricia ; Halim Mabel ; AhMamaa Xinyi YuXuan ; AhJie Others; --------------------------------- Cindy ; Shinzuii Laurentia Read more♥ You deserve better. Me and my anxiety The pain of the past. That pain. Happiness. One and only. I miss you. Interphase: Denial and Acceptance. To the guy who's gone great lengths for me. When will it be good enough?
January 2012 |
The point where I hate my life. A lot.
Saturday, October 20, 2012 Saturday, October 20, 2012 I've came to this point, where I really really hate my life. I feel that everything around me is a disaster. I feel like I'm such a mess. I'm a total disaster. Everything I do seems wrong. No one understands me. It feels like I have no one. I don't know what's wrong. It just feels like this is the limit to my endurance. I can't seem to take it anymore. And my pride is too big to ask for help, and I'd rather suffer alone. Why am I like this? When did I become like this? Who did I become? I don't know nor recognize myself anymore. Can I just.... Or is there any way to end all these?    Stay away.
Thursday, October 18, 2012 Thursday, October 18, 2012 It's funny how I start to push people away. Especially when they are the ones who truly care. I am really thankful to have them in my life. To make me feel better and always there when I'm in need. The only reason I push some of them away is, I don't wanna get too attached and dependent. I don't wanna be like so useless when they're not around. Furthermore, what if one day they leave? What am I gonna do? How am I supposed to feel? Sometimes I really don't know what I'm doing. Why am I so scared to get hurt? Have I not grown up? Shouldn't I be stronger? I get so sensitive and put myself in a bad mood due to my own negative thinking. I really need to learn to have better endurance. Enduring seems better than being judged or misunderstood. I don't want to share my pain. It's MY pain, not nobody else's. but really, i sincerely thank those who have been there. Appreciated and loved. xx     A total mess.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012 Wednesday, October 17, 2012 I am such a mess. A total mess. It's a disaster. What have I been doing? What did I do wrong? Is it that difficult to give me your trusts? Why can't you see things neutrally? It was there. From the start. But you did not even think about it. All you do was listen from one side of the story and judge. It has always been like this. It's always pointless for me to explain because you won't listen. Yes, you won't. But sooner or later, you will say, why didn't I try to explain or defend myself? You know what, it happens all the time. I always did. The question is, have you listened? Or you don't wanna know or understand, but you just think you're always right. Why are you being like this. Why can't you see from my side? Why don't you try to understand how I feel too? The only thing on my mind is, WHY, WHY, and WHY. It sucks to the max. It hurts so much. Will hurting myself physically decrease the pain on the inside? Or what if I was not here, in this cruel world, from the start? I am really tired. Exhausted. Especially mentally. My tears are drying out. My eyes are tired. My mind is tired. My whole body is aching, especially my heart. Those trusts.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012 Tuesday, October 16, 2012 I just wanna gain those trusts. Can I? I'm sick of all these. Have you ever tried to listen to me? Have you ever tried to understand? Judged. Misunderstood. Mistreated. The feeling of being so lonely, having no one on my side, i'm pretty sure it's not just me. I just want to have someone to be there. That's it. But nonetheless, what was I expecting? I don't feel secure in opening up too much too. All I feel all these while is just i've been bothering some people. Sometimes I wonder, why am I like this? Did I take the wrong path? Did I do anything bad? I just feel everything is so wrong. I don't think I need any painkillers when I feel numb, it's too often. I don't know what to feel anymore. Is hurting me becoming some kind of addiction for people around me? Can I just get a hug? One single hug that would make me feel a lot better. Lessons learnt: you are facing these ALONE. Be strong.     Let's just..drift apart.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012 Tuesday, October 02, 2012 I don't know if this is for th better or not but I hope it is. I've been hurting mentally non-stop. I deserve someone better, maybe you do too. I just wanna stop putting high hopes on your bloody mixed wrong signals. At times, you're really being a jerk. Maybe we should have some times apart from one another, for the better. For our own good. For my own good. I wanna stop hurting myself. It was surprising to hear that about you. You really turned into someone you said you would not be. It irks me. It disgusts me a little too. Of you are really doing it, my respect for you will drop to lower level. Used to admire you due to your good deeds, personalities and thinking. But if you are really changing to this, then I guess, that makes it easier for me to just bury you deep down. Thank you for the unnecessary pain. "I won't cry for you, my mascara is too expensive."     |